“Every time I look around this world Earth, I see things are falling into chaos. I plan to do my part to help.  Plus, I seem to have some extra time on my hands until certain stars align again.  My qualifications are too numerous to list.  Question me again and I will devour your soul.” - Cthulhu, DearCthulhu.com

May 2009: Malicious Roommate in Montana, Woman Positioning to be a Missionary in Minnesota, and Manwhore in Manchester

June 2010: Fumbling Fornicator in Fredericksburg, At the End of My Rope, and Bear Necessities in Baltimore

November 2010: Pussycat Problem in Peekskill and Artisan in Austin

December, 2011: Geezer With A Cane He’s Ready To Use and Beautiful and Entitled in Encino

Dear Cthulhu welcomes letters and questions at DearCthulhu@dearcthulhu.com. All letters become the property of Dear Cthulhu and may be used in future columns.

Dear Cthulhu is a work of fiction and satire and is © and ™ by Patrick Thomas. All rights reserved.  Any one foolish enough to follow the advice does so at their own peril.

Patrick Thomas is the author of over a hundred short stories and eighteen books, including eight books in the popular fantasy humor series MURPHY’S LORE and the recently released FAIRY WITH A GUN and MYSTIC INVESTIGATORS. He has co-edited two anthologies, including the forthcoming NEW BLOOD. Patrick writes the syndicated satirical advice column DEAR CTHULHU, soon to be collected in DEAR CTHULHU: HAVE A DARK DAY. Ten of his books are part of the props department at CSI, two of which are displayed on Greg’s desk in the Bullpen. Drop by his website at www.patthomas.net.